Mr. Waddles, Bow, and Mhchallenger Welcome to Your Mystery Story Page 2! Here is a new page to enter your fantastic new opening story lines, paragraphs, and soon full story. This is also the place to post two stars and a wish about the other story staters, paragraphs, and stories you read. Two stars are positive things you see in the story and your wish is constructive feedback on how to specifically improve the story. So, to recap....which means go over again, post your writing here after you've done some in class editing with your peers and then post it online for the world to see. The other people who are part of your team online, will post 2 stars (positive things) and one wish (constructive feedback to help make the writing better). Be kind, because after all, they will do the same for you! Note: All stories and comments need to be on this page. Please do not use the discussion
The Car
by
Mr. Waddles
I am a police man and I am a 14 teen years old. I started working in the summer so I could get some money, and so I had some thing to do.
I see a car. I go on the road to try to stop him. He does not stop I shoot at him. He is going about 310 km an hour BAM. I flew 30 meters. Then, I wake up in a hospital.
There is no one in the room. The guy's car that hit me is outside. I got my stuff and jumped out the window. My car was outside I got in my car.
Then he got in his car and stared speeding. I turned on my sirens and went after him. When I got close, he looked out his window.
Then I looked out the right and left window. They have guns. They shoot my window. They almost hit me. The guy in the car sat back down then he took a sharp turn. I was not prepared ,so I tried to turn, but I flipped.
I woke up out of my car. the. Door was open the guy in the car started walking at me and he said. “I am sorry about all of this”. Then I fell unconscious.
Two days later. I woke up in the hospital again but this time my friends and family and the guy who hit me was also there.
The guy who hit me called the ambulance
A dream. I am in a car the guy in front of me lost control but he got control again. I thought that was the guy that hit me but I had no clue.
The guy looked out the window but the guy looked like him. But then I heard a noise it sounded like a ball. I wake up in my dads car.
When I got back to police academy there was a lot of stuff on my desk, like flowers. I ask how long was I in the hospital. my teacher said two months.
I tried to figure out if this is a dream, or if it was real. I slaped myself but I was just in pain. Miss E asked me what I was doing I said that I was trying to find out if it is a dream then. I turn around and Miss E was gone.
I searched the school, then I went to her house but she was not there. But I was still nearly a policeman and I still had so many questions.
When I got home my mom and dad where at the door and told me We are going to Hawaii but I said I well stay home with Eddie.
Eddie said that he could take care of me When dad got home they said they saw Miss E the bad news was that she was not teaching me any more. When I told the class they wee all sad.
Five year later, Miss E sent us a letter it said she lived in Hawaii. She missed all of use and she told me who hit me.
It was Jack he was an old friend. He was 18 at the time. One day he went missing but no one found him.
I was just about to graduate, so I know what to do once I graduate. I went to visit Miss E. When I got there Miss E was nowhere in sight. I looked every were but she was not there.
I asked this girl named Annabel she said miss E was dead. It felt like my heart stopped. She was so nice and a good teacher.
I went back to Delia. When I got back to Delia every one was there asking how was Miss E. When I said she was dead everyone looked like there heart shattered and they cried.
Five days later we made a funeral for Miss E, we all missed her. She was a good person, and a good teacher. Everyone was there in the class, no one was happy, no smiles, no laughter, just tears. Someone came into the graveyard. We all looked over where the man was we could not see his face when he got close and took his hood off every body’s heart pumped. And the man took his hood of it was jack.
He came up to me and said he was sorry about hitting me in the car. He said an assassin killed Miss E, and he was also after me. He said he was in a white robe. He used throwing knives and a dagger. Jack told me where he was so I decided to go for revenge for Miss E so I grabbed a couple of knifes and a sword.
A year later. I finally found where. He was he had an army of assassins.
I walked in the door the main assassin was sitting down on the floor. He had some kind of helmet on. I thought that his helmet put air into him. He takes his helmet off his head. He only had a sword so he can’t use long range. He had some sort of bomb.
That bomb he had thrown at me if it even touched me I would blow up. It flew right by me and the door blew up the guy I looked at him it was Jack. He said yes, I killed Miss E.
I ran up to him and ended this all, and killed him after that the hull place fell. Helicopter flow over the roof they dropped a ladder I grabbed hold. They just got me out in time. But know there was another problem there was a mountain and if did not let go I would hit it.
I had drop and hop I would make it. I dropped then my hull life flashed before my eyes and bam there was a rock right through me I could not breathe I lost air and I fell. Before I died I wish I could have said goodbye to my class the chopper was back but I know there was no way was making it back with my soul so I tried to rest in peace.
HI Mr.WaddlesI like your story.
The creeper
Holy whats that in the corner. “I think its a tiger holy I'm out of here its nasty”. So they walked out of that room then on the door step there was a creeper looking in the window. I was scared so was Bob. He tried walking in the house the door was locked but he smashed the window and walked in. wow he was creepy and he asked if hes tiger was there “oh yea hes here,” but he wasn't here for the tiger he was here to kidnap but he did take the tiger .when I work up bob and I was in a big shed man that guy creeped me out. I seen that tiger he was in the same room that I was and the door was locked wow bob peed his pants he was so scared I just found a sludge hammer and I broke the door and it was Mike Tyson holy I thought that guy looked liked Mike Tyson and it was I dint to make him mad because he would beat me. So Bob and I went to get the one and only Mike Tyson's tiger. Mike Tyson was a creeper, that was a shock but bob and I said good bye and then Mike Tyson went to his house. I went to the washroom and their was a chicken. Hi Mhchallenger, Mrs. Eitzens grade 5 class is looking at various writing this afternoon. We would like to share with you some of our comments: We found your paragrah was unique, original, and hilarious. For instance, the chicken at the end left us wondering what is going to happen next. To make your paragraph even better you could make the sentence ideas connect in order for the reader to understand your meaning. - Mrs. Eitzen & grade 5 class Hi! One wish I have right away is that whomever wrote The Creeper put their name underneath the title so that we know for sure who wrote the story!
A star I have for the writing is that parts of it are funny; "Bob peed his pants", I didn't want to make him mad because he would beat me".
Mrs.S.
“Yes I beat the level!” I jumped for joy as I ran to get a snack. I went back to my room and my character was standing in front of me with a knife. I wanted to run but my body was frozen. He threw the knife at and hit me right in the heart. I started drowning in my own pool of blood.
Hi. One BIG wish I have for this story is that the author write his/her name and a title for it. Thanks.
One star I have is that you used great imagery to get across the idea that you were absolutely scared..."but my body was frozen".
Keep going and finish what is going to be a very good story!
Mrs. S.. 2 stars and 1 wish it made sense.it had good vocabulary
My title Is the Mystery Game by bow2010
from bow
Hi Mhchallenger can you please put your name over yourstory
By Awesomeness235
The Evil Video Game
by
Bow
I jumped for joy as I ran to get a snack. I went back to my room and my character was standing in front of me with a knife. I wanted to run but my body was frozen. He threw the knife and hit me.
I am feeling woozy and about to pass out when I hear someone crying “someone was killed”. I then hear dead silence. My mother is screaming Jim Bob's name.
A couple of minutes later there was ruckus in the garage; I knew that my father had not survived. The passing of time takes forever. I hear a truck driving by and noises coming from every direction. I knew my mother was in danger, but I could not move. I lay still hearing nothing but silence.
Suddenly my mother is leaning over me yelling, “It's time to get ready for school”.
“Yeah, yeah, I'm getting there!” I said.
I had a weird dream.
mr.waddles great story very good vocabulary so keep that up
and it made great sense so good job.
wish
to keep on writing more and one day i think you could be a writer.
not to make to much gore
Mr. Waddles, Bow, and Mhchallenger Welcome to Your Mystery Story Page 2! Here is a new page to enter your fantastic new opening story lines, paragraphs, and soon full story. This is also the place to post two stars and a wish about the other story staters, paragraphs, and stories you read. Two stars are positive things you see in the story and your wish is constructive feedback on how to specifically improve the story. So, to recap....which means go over again, post your writing here after you've done some in class editing with your peers and then post it online for the world to see. The other people who are part of your team online, will post 2 stars (positive things) and one wish (constructive feedback to help make the writing better). Be kind, because after all, they will do the same for you! Note: All stories and comments need to be on this page. Please do not use the discussion
The Car
by
Mr. Waddles
I am a police man and I am a 14 teen years old. I started working in the summer so I could get some money, and so I had some thing to do.
I see a car. I go on the road to try to stop him. He does not stop I shoot at him. He is going about 310 km an hour BAM. I flew 30 meters. Then, I wake up in a hospital.
There is no one in the room. The guy's car that hit me is outside. I got my stuff and jumped out the window. My car was outside I got in my car.
Then he got in his car and stared speeding. I turned on my sirens and went after him. When I got close, he looked out his window.
Then I looked out the right and left window. They have guns. They shoot my window. They almost hit me. The guy in the car sat back down then he took a sharp turn. I was not prepared ,so I tried to turn, but I flipped.
I woke up out of my car. the. Door was open the guy in the car started walking at me and he said. “I am sorry about all of this”. Then I fell unconscious.
Two days later. I woke up in the hospital again but this time my friends and family and the guy who hit me was also there.
The guy who hit me called the ambulance
A dream. I am in a car the guy in front of me lost control but he got control again. I thought that was the guy that hit me but I had no clue.
The guy looked out the window but the guy looked like him. But then I heard a noise it sounded like a ball. I wake up in my dads car.
When I got back to police academy there was a lot of stuff on my desk, like flowers. I ask how long was I in the hospital. my teacher said two months.
I tried to figure out if this is a dream, or if it was real. I slaped myself but I was just in pain. Miss E asked me what I was doing I said that I was trying to find out if it is a dream then. I turn around and Miss E was gone.
I searched the school, then I went to her house but she was not there. But I was still nearly a policeman and I still had so many questions.
When I got home my mom and dad where at the door and told me We are going to Hawaii but I said I well stay home with Eddie.
Eddie said that he could take care of me When dad got home they said they saw Miss E the bad news was that she was not teaching me any more. When I told the class they wee all sad.
Five year later, Miss E sent us a letter it said she lived in Hawaii. She missed all of use and she told me who hit me.
It was Jack he was an old friend. He was 18 at the time. One day he went missing but no one found him.
I was just about to graduate, so I know what to do once I graduate. I went to visit Miss E. When I got there Miss E was nowhere in sight. I looked every were but she was not there.
I asked this girl named Annabel she said miss E was dead. It felt like my heart stopped. She was so nice and a good teacher.
I went back to Delia. When I got back to Delia every one was there asking how was Miss E. When I said she was dead everyone looked like there heart shattered and they cried.
Five days later we made a funeral for Miss E, we all missed her. She was a good person, and a good teacher. Everyone was there in the class, no one was happy, no smiles, no laughter, just tears. Someone came into the graveyard. We all looked over where the man was we could not see his face when he got close and took his hood off every body’s heart pumped. And the man took his hood of it was jack.
He came up to me and said he was sorry about hitting me in the car. He said an assassin killed Miss E, and he was also after me. He said he was in a white robe. He used throwing knives and a dagger. Jack told me where he was so I decided to go for revenge for Miss E so I grabbed a couple of knifes and a sword.
A year later. I finally found where. He was he had an army of assassins.
I walked in the door the main assassin was sitting down on the floor. He had some kind of helmet on. I thought that his helmet put air into him. He takes his helmet off his head. He only had a sword so he can’t use long range. He had some sort of bomb.
That bomb he had thrown at me if it even touched me I would blow up. It flew right by me and the door blew up the guy I looked at him it was Jack. He said yes, I killed Miss E.
I ran up to him and ended this all, and killed him after that the hull place fell. Helicopter flow over the roof they dropped a ladder I grabbed hold. They just got me out in time. But know there was another problem there was a mountain and if did not let go I would hit it.
I had drop and hop I would make it. I dropped then my hull life flashed before my eyes and bam there was a rock right through me I could not breathe I lost air and I fell. Before I died I wish I could have said goodbye to my class the chopper was back but I know there was no way was making it back with my soul so I tried to rest in peace.
HI Mr.WaddlesI like your story.
The creeper
Holy whats that in the corner. “I think its a tiger holy I'm out of here its nasty”. So they walked out of that room then on the door step there was a creeper looking in the window. I was scared so was Bob. He tried walking in the house the door was locked but he smashed the window and walked in. wow he was creepy and he asked if hes tiger was there “oh yea hes here,” but he wasn't here for the tiger he was here to kidnap but he did take the tiger .when I work up bob and I was in a big shed man that guy creeped me out. I seen that tiger he was in the same room that I was and the door was locked wow bob peed his pants he was so scared I just found a sludge hammer and I broke the door and it was Mike Tyson holy I thought that guy looked liked Mike Tyson and it was I dint to make him mad because he would beat me. So Bob and I went to get the one and only Mike Tyson's tiger. Mike Tyson was a creeper, that was a shock but bob and I said good bye and then Mike Tyson went to his house. I went to the washroom and their was a chicken.Hi Mhchallenger, Mrs. Eitzens grade 5 class is looking at various writing this afternoon. We would like to share with you some of our comments: We found your paragrah was unique, original, and hilarious. For instance, the chicken at the end left us wondering what is going to happen next. To make your paragraph even better you could make the sentence ideas connect in order for the reader to understand your meaning. - Mrs. Eitzen & grade 5 class
Hi! One wish I have right away is that whomever wrote The Creeper put their name underneath the title so that we know for sure who wrote the story!
A star I have for the writing is that parts of it are funny; "Bob peed his pants", I didn't want to make him mad because he would beat me".
Mrs.S.
“Yes I beat the level!” I jumped for joy as I ran to get a snack. I went back to my room and my character was standing in front of me with a knife. I wanted to run but my body was frozen. He threw the knife at and hit me right in the heart. I started drowning in my own pool of blood.Hi. One BIG wish I have for this story is that the author write his/her name and a title for it. Thanks.
One star I have is that you used great imagery to get across the idea that you were absolutely scared..."but my body was frozen".
Keep going and finish what is going to be a very good story!
Mrs. S..
2 stars and 1 wish it made sense.it had good vocabulary
My title Is the Mystery Game by bow2010
from bow
Hi Mhchallenger can you please put your name over your story
By Awesomeness235
The Evil Video Game
by
Bow
I jumped for joy as I ran to get a snack. I went back to my room and my character was standing in front of me with a knife. I wanted to run but my body was frozen. He threw the knife and hit me.
I am feeling woozy and about to pass out when I hear someone crying “someone was killed”. I then hear dead silence. My mother is screaming Jim Bob's name.
A couple of minutes later there was ruckus in the garage; I knew that my father had not survived. The passing of time takes forever. I hear a truck driving by and noises coming from every direction. I knew my mother was in danger, but I could not move. I lay still hearing nothing but silence.
Suddenly my mother is leaning over me yelling, “It's time to get ready for school”.
“Yeah, yeah, I'm getting there!” I said.
I had a weird dream.
mr.waddles great story very good vocabulary so keep that up
and it made great sense so good job.
wish
to keep on writing more and one day i think you could be a writer.
not to make to much gore